Sun, Mar. 7th, 2004, 11:36 am
World of Muck
Sunday started out normal enough. I went to work and it was going fine. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was on so I watched that while I did prep. I called my gf and she seemed fine. The night before she went out with her friends and seemed to be ok.
Then my boss invited me to the Nuggets game. 14th Row seats, middle of the court. So since everything seemed to be ok I told my gf I was going to go to the game and see her afterwards. I should have thought it through, but I didn't. I dont know why I do things like that and without putting the proper thought into them. Then after work I went home and called my gf again.
The result was she blew up at me. She was so mad screaming me at the phone saying she needed me there etc. I told her about how I felt and how she didn't wanna seem to talk to me about it and seemed to be fine. She responded saying I should have known that she needed me and that I should have asked her how she was feeling etc. I had asked her that, but I agree with her that I should have known that she really wasn't ok. We fought and fought and fought. The end result was I had to go back to work to cover for another guy so someone would be able to take the seats and not let them go to waste. This made it so I could see my gf earlier and spend more time with her. The other result is I got to work 12 and a half hours yesterday.
She came over and we talked things out. She was just very hurt and scared. She cried for a while, and all I really could do was just be there, not much else I could contribute. I feel horrible that I cant do anything else to help her.
This morning started off ok. She was still kinda recovering from letting go the night before. I had to finish up some homework so she sat while I did that. Afterwards we went to Ihop. I just made dumb jokes and talked about whatever and by the end she was smiling and joking back. We came home and I went and let the dog out and fed it etc. While I was doing that she checked her email. I went outside and she was getting ready to go. She was very visibly upset and despondant. She just said I have to go, and I asked her what was wrong but she just kept saying nothing and then I tried to get her to talk. Then she just left.
Now I am here about to go to school. Hopefully it will be a mind relief.
Mon, Mar. 8th, 2004 10:26 pm (UTC)
Honey don't beat yourself up about it too much, okay? that was so sweet of you to give up the game, and do all of that extra work and I'm sure she'll recognize it later on. At this point I wouldn't worry too much about that in particular. It was just one way for her to let out some of her emotions by yelling at you. I doubt it helped or anything but maybe you served that way.
This is hard, but, I think if you're just extra there for her then everything will turn out okay. just keep reminding her know how much you care for her. Just be there. Call me if you need anything.
Tue, Mar. 9th, 2004 12:42 pm (UTC)
The thing about relationships I dislike the most is when the flow goes astray. I can deal with taht because there will be bumps and cracks along the way but it's about how both deal with the situation. It just gripes me when the other person just can't cope with their own feelings and just talk about the truth of what they are going through rather than shady pictures for you to make out. Justin, I don't blame you for not knowing how your girlfriend truly feels. It's clear that she isn't communicating enough with you.
I have been in similar situations and had difficulty trying to decipher what Michele was going through because she didn't convey her inner fears and emotions. What I got was this unclear image of her trying to cope, mixed emotions, and having everything under control that will later come back to haunt me.
Men are compassionate but it is a fact that we are not as empathetic as women. For us to pick up on things is harder. For your girlfriend to say, "You should know better" I say, "You could have known better but the information was gray and therefore you didn't and I don't blame you".
How can she expect so much from you when she isn't opening up to you. It's evident with the second last paragraph. I personally would be upset with her attitude and how she carries herself when she is in these moods. It's so cowardly for people not to admit their feelings and just bootle it up by saying "nothing". Justin, I hope you are not beating yourself up over this.
Something I read from Psychology Today. Take this for what it's worth.
The reality is that most of us talk ourselves to death, but we actually communicate very poorly. We live in an era that encourages us to be open about our feelings but doesn't teach us how to differentiate between helpful and harmful feelings. Very few of us know how to speak or listen effectively. The truth is that brutal honesty often encourages brutality more than honesty. Too often, spouces use their version of the truth to bludgeon their partners into submission. Marital communication is much more than honest speech.
Tue, Mar. 9th, 2004 11:41 pm (UTC)
Thx for all the advice, I especially enjoyed the psychology today excerpt. I'll write update on it probably tomorrow if I can find the time.